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Are the folks next door driving you crazy? Here’s how to end a squabble when neighbors go bad. Talk first. Calling the cops should be a last resort.

When Neighbors Go Bad

Greg Raver-Lampman

Published: July 11, 2004

By Greg Raver-Lampman

In a modest neighborhood in Portsmouth, Va., a dispute flared up last year between neighbors who shared a two-car garage that had straddled their property line since the 1930s.

Billy Lee Boggs, 64, one of the owners, used his half of the garage to store old car parts and antiques that he considered valuable. His neighbor, Camille Canady, 46, used her half to store her lawn mower and other garden items.

While Boggs meticulously maintained his half of the aging wooden structure, Canady’s side was near collapse. Boggs complained to the city, which eventually ordered Canady to appear in court. The city fined her $200 and informed her that she had to repair the garage, or it had to be torn down. “I needed to do something quick,” Canady explains.

After consulting with contractors, she tore down her side of the garage. Boggs returned home to find the structure chain-sawed down the center, at the peak.

Boggs believes Canady “should have at least said, ‘Hey, I’m going to take this thing down.’” Sitting on her stoop, just a few feet from the neighbor who hasn’t spoken to her since, Canady says: “They’re ideal neighbors. I’d do anything for them. I’m just sorry it went this way.” Although this is extreme, millions of Americans can weave their own tales of neighbors from hell. Barking dogs, shaggy lawns, derelict cars and loud music fertilize feuds that can fester, like the Hatfields and McCoys, for decades.

“Neighbors will fight about anything,” says attorney Cora Jordan, author of the book Neighbor Law: Fences, Trees, Boundaries & Noise. “Sometimes there’s so much bad blood, people can’t remember how the original feud started.”

Neighborhood squabbles sometimes can result in a form of blackmail. In Avondale Estates, Ga., a hamlet on the outskirts of Atlanta, the local historic preservation commission turned down a homeowner’s request to renovate his front stairs. The homeowner, Stan Pike, responded by painting his house Day-Glo green with purple polka dots. “They didn’t have any restriction on the color of paint,” Pike notes wryly. After the preservation commission’s ruling was overturned by the City Council, Pike agreed to repaint his house.

Another prime specimen of a neighbor from hell lived near Bobby Brock two years ago in a tree-shrouded suburb of Memphis. Robert “Prince Mongo” Hodges decorated his front yard with mannequin heads, commodes, lampshades, a rocking horse and a coffin. “It was a complete eyesore,” complains Brock, then president of the Colonial Acres Neighborhood Association. “People just pulled up and stopped and glared at the damned mess.” The matter landed Hodges in court, where —claiming to be an ambassador from the planet Zambodia—“Prince Mongo” showed up in goggles and a cape. The unhappy prince was ordered to clean up his yard.

Experts say that neighborhood disputes are so common, they often swamp police departments with petty calls. “This idea that there is a ‘minor’ dispute is fiction for the person living it,” says attorney Raymond Shonholtz, founder of the Community Board Program of San Francisco, an organization that helps feuding neighbors work out their differences. **

In some cases, neighborhood disputes escalate into violence as irrational and inexplicable as road rage. “We’ve seen people shot over a parking place or over dog droppings in a yard,” says Charles Regal, a Community Board Program director.

The best way to handle neighborhood disputes, experts believe, is to eliminate them before they spiral out of control. Today, there are hundreds of mediation services scattered around the nation, helping people work out their differences (see box). Following techniques pioneered by Shonholtz’s organization, mediators help get to the root of the conflict, often uncovering a litany of complaints on both sides.

Linda Federoff of Chesapeake, Va., used mediation to untangle a years-long neighborhood wrangle that had resulted in lawsuits and numerous police visits. Complaints started over the barking of a Dalmatian belonging to her neighbors, Jim and Debbie Stahr, but evolved into a feud over other issues as well. In mediation, Linda Federoff and Debbie Stahr “aired out all their differences,” recalls Jim Stahr, who was present. “The kids, the dog, the house, you name it.” In the end, the Stahrs offered a compromise, vowing to keep their Dalmatian inside at night and on weekends if they were away. Linda Federoff promised to telephone them, not the police, if she had any gripes. “By the time we walked out, I got a hug from her and an ‘I’m sorry,’” says Federoff. “It just took all those hard feelings and put them behind.” Debbie Stahr agrees: “Now it’s over, and we’re both getting on with our lives.”

For mediators, such resolutions are common. The complaining neighbor often is unaware that his or her own behavior frequently boosts the anger to a higher level. “That’s the great irony,” says Shonholtz. “The person you consider a ‘neighbor from hell’ may believe you’re just as bad.”

What To Do About Bad Neighbors
If you’re embroiled in a conflict with a neighbor, what can you do? Here’s what experts advise:

1 Talk. In a surprising number of cases, neighbors are unaware that their behavior is causing problems. All experts agree: it’s always best to communicate. Before approaching a neighbor, however, document the precise problems causing tension. Then, politely knock on the door at a convenient time, explain the situation and review the details. Also make an effort to offer a reasonable solution. .Don’t be surprised, though, if you encounter some hostility. “When you complain the first time, no matter how nice you are, you can expect to get a complaint back,” says author and attorney Cora Jordan.

2 Mediation. In cases where neighbors become too irate to talk rationally, formal mediation can break the logjam, according to Linda Baron, executive director of the National Association for Community Mediation. To find out more about the mediation process, visit her organization’s site at www.nafcm.org on the Web.

3 Last resort. Calling the cops should be the last resort. Even if you win a legal battle, it actually can ratchet up the hostility, making neighborhood relations worse. Sometimes, say experts, the only real solution is to move.

**NOTE: Placer Dispute Resolution Service is a community mediation program similar to the Community Board Program of San Francisco mentioned in the article above.